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From Joke of the Day.com
Little Johnny was left to fix lunch. When his mother returned with a friend,
she noticed that Johnny had already strained the tea. So the two women sipped
their tea happily while having lunch and chit-chatted.
Afterwards, when her friend had left, Little Johnny's mother talked to him. "Was
it hard finding the tea strainer in the kitchen?" his mother asked.
"Ma, I couldn't find it, so I used the fly swatter." replied Johnny. His mother
nearly fainted, so Johnny hastily added, "Don't get excited, Ma, I used the old
one!"
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There's this guy sitting at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that
for half an hour. Then this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him,
takes the drink from the guy, and drinks it all down.
The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says: "Come on man, I was just
joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man
crying."
"No, it's not that. This is the worst day of my life. First, I fall asleep, and
I'm late to my office. My boss, outraged, fires me. When I leave the building,
to go to my car, I find out it was stolen. The police say they can do nothing. I
get a cab to return home, and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and
credit cards there but the cab had already driven away. I go home, and when I
get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave home and come to
this bar. And when I'm thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and
drink my poison . . ."
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A young boy answered the phone in a whisper "Hello?"
The man at the other end asked to speak to his father. The boy replied in a
whispher "He can't come to the phone."
The man then asked to speak to his mother. He again whispered "She's busy. She
can't come to the phone either."
The man became confused and asked if anyone else was at the house with the boy.
"Yes," he wispered. "The police and the firemen are here too." When the man
asked to speak to one of them, hoping to finally get an adult on the phone to
find out what was going on, the boy again whispered "They're busy too. They
can't come to the phone either."
Finally the man asked the boy what his father, his mother, the police and the
fire department were so busy doing that they could not come to the phone.
The boy whispered "They're looking for me."
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Mrs. Hunter was called to serve for jury duty, but asked to be excused
because she didn't believe in capital punishment and didn't want her personal
thoughts to prevent the trial from running its proper course. But the public
defender liked her thoughtfulness and quiet calm, and tried to convince her that
she was appropriate to serve on the jury.
"Madam," he explained, "this is not a murder trial! It's a simple civil lawsuit.
A wife is bringing this case against her husband because he gambled away the
$12,000 he had promised to use to remodel the kitchen for her birthday."
"Well, okay," agreed Mrs. Hunter, "I'll serve. I guess I could be wrong about
capital punishment after all."